An open letter to the person who broke into my car and stole $1.50 in change,

Alright I get it, man. Of course, I’m assuming you’re a man. I guess that’s probably sexist, but let’s just make that assumption for the sake of easy writing. I’m also going to assume you’re the same person who broke into my car last time, as the pattern of robbery was the same…shattered rear driver’s side window, you left everything but my battery jump-starter and my chump change and you didn’t take my CDs, which either means you (or possibly *I*) have bad taste in music or you’ve decided that MP3s really are the future of the industry.

I should probably thank you for being relatively gentle to my car for the second time. While the shards of glass did leave a small scratch in the plastic below the window, you didn’t touch my factory CD player or my on-board electronics, nor did you leave any peculiar odors or stains. I will say that without the battery jump-starter that you stole, I experienced my first dead battery in several months, and was without a way to jump the car. Also, just to let you know for the future, the Toyota Prius, which is a hybrid vehicle, has a pretty complex electrical system and you can’t get it out of park if it won’t hold a charge. Apparently when the mobile window repair man fixed my window, he shorted something out in the door, which means my car was stuck in the parking garage.

But, I don’t blame you. The heroin, or meth, or tithe, or whatever it is you needed that money for, was, to you, worth the 200 dollar window repair and day and a half of inconveniences it caused a perfect stranger. That $1.50 was a free deal to you. One car window is as good as the next, and my car is one of the nicer looking ones in the parking garage, I’ll admit.

I’m afraid I won’t be leaving any more change in my car for you. I know it’s sort of a petty revenge. I mean, chances are you didn’t see the change anyway, and that you simply targeted my car because of its make, sheen, or location in the garage. Maybe my custom license plate pissed you off. So, next time you break in, just realize: no jump-starter, no change. It’ll be a waste of some kinetic energy for you, and another bill for me, and that’s about it.

On a positive note, I think you might have inspired a short story.

Regards,

R.Y.